Eat Lunch With The New Kid

Forget the Carpe Diems and other big words that just sound smart, here’s a list of essentials that we tend to neglect:
“-There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
-Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
-If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
-Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
-When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

-Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

-You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

-If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

-Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

-Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

-Never lie to your doctor.

-All guns are loaded.

-Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

-A handshake beats an autograph.

-Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

-If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

-Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

-Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

-Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

-When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

-Eat lunch with the new kid.

-It’s never too late for an apology.

-Don’t pose with booze.

-Never push someone off a dock.

-Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

-It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

-Don’t make a scene.

-Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

-When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

-Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

-Give credit. Take blame.

-Never be the last one in the pool.

-Don’t stare.

-Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

-Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

-If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

-Admit it when you’re wrong.

-If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

-Look people in the eye when you thank them.

-Thank the bus driver.

-Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

-Know at least one good joke.

-Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

-Know how to cook one good meal.

-Learn to drive a stick shift.

-Dance with your mother/father.

-Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

-Always thank the host.

-If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

-Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

-Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

-Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

-Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

-The opposite sex likes people who shower.

-Learn to change a tire.

-Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

-An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

-If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

-Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

-Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

-Always wear a bra at work.

-You’re never too old to need your mom.

-Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

-Know the words to your national anthem.

-Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

-Smile at strangers.”




3 responses to “Eat Lunch With The New Kid”

  1. Tante Marianne says :

    90 % done :-)))

  2. Tante Diane says :

    Tante Diane says: I love these. Thanks!!

  3. Sharon says :

    The one about dancing with your mum and dad just made me break down and cry…so true

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: